One Week Left

This time next week, we shall be preparing for our final act as members of the community here at college – the Leavers’ Service. The removal men will probably be well on their way up the motorway (at least, that’s the plan), and we will follow them as soon as we can. There are a lot of things that need to be done between now and then – mostly small things like changing addresses and ordering some things for the house. Yesterday we heard that the house sale had completed, which was one worry off our minds: hopefully the other things (like school places) will fall into place next week in the final few days.

Now, more than ever before, the liminal nature of a theological college existence is apparent. None of us can ever truly be “at home” here, even those of us who have spent three years training. Certainly one of the things I would say to would-be seminarians, and to those about to begin training, is this: do not become too comfortable and settled with your life in college. Before you know it, everything will change – again – often in ways you do not expect when you first arrive. Being here has been essentially about preparing for what is to come, and putting down much in the way of roots is not a terribly good idea.

Today, the Feast of the Visitation, is perhaps another image which is appropriate at the moment. The sense of joy and expectation, expressed in the words of both Mary and Elizabeth, coupled with their thanksgiving for all that the Lord has done, has a particular resonance as we prepare to move from one stage of the journey to the next. Training at college has not been without its challenges and difficulties – but then, neither will being pregnant at Elizabeth’s age, or outside of wedlock in Mary’s case, have been. Yet the joy at what is coming does not seem to be affected by this.

I think it’s fair to say that I identify with Mary’s earlier question of the Angel at the Annunciation, “How shall this be?”. Many hurdles have been overcome, and there are still worries and challenges ahead. But God-willing, in less than one month I shall have been made a deacon in the Church, and a new chapter in our lives will have begun. Perhaps by then a new name for this blog will have become clear!

100 days to go

Today marks the 100-day point before the leavers’ service at College. This feels the right time to engage in a spot of housekeeping. The observant among you may have noticed that I have updated the title image at the top of the blog, and adjusted the template to the latest version. The name will also be changing shortly: it hasn’t seemed quite right for a while, but as we pass this milestone before the end of my residential training, it seems as good a time as any to make some changes. This is perhaps especially important given that I’m not returning to Durham.

Yesterday was the vestments fair at College, which has also concentrated my mind on what lies ahead. It was a good “reality check” to be confronted with the various things which I will need to acquire for life in the parish. Mundane as they may seem, clerical shirts and the like are necessary items and the time has come to invest. This is proving a rather unsettling realisation: I have not really spent much time thinking about the practicalities until now. There’s still time, but decisions do need to start being made now. The next few days or weeks will hopefully involve visits to a couple of clerical outfitters to discuss stoles and the like.

It really feels like the beginning of the end of college life.

A bit of news

Please pray for Fr. Philip Gray and the people of the parish of St Margaret’s, Ilkley, where (God-willing) I am to serve as Assistant Curate.

I’m really excited to be able to announce this at last: there’s been a lot of patient waiting for the various processes to work out. There is still quite a bit of waiting to do, and details such as housing, schools for the children, and so on have to be worked out.

Assuming all goes according to plan, I will be ordained deacon by the Bishop of Bradford on Sunday 30th June, in Bradford Cathedral. Ordination day feels like a long way off, with many “firm expectations” between now and then: but it also feels much more as though the end of our sojourn in Oxfordshire is in sight. The more observant among you will have noticed that Ilkley is in Bradford Diocese, and not Durham. I do feel some sadness at not returning to be ordained in Durham Cathedral – my sending church. I owe a great deal to the Diocese and Cathedral, and we have many happy family memories of the North East. However, there is a very strong sense of rightness about the coming move to Wharfedale.

There are now 131 days until the leavers’ service, and much to do in the mean time. Best get on with it, really.

All change…

The revision seems like a lifetime ago. At our Matriculation, the Vice-Chancellor made a speech in which he asserted that we were all now “ontologically different”. The rite of passage that is study at one of the world’s most prestigious universities, begun that day, seems to be almost over. Following the exams (all 23 hours’ worth), in which we were required to sit in a hot room in full academic dress, another part of the ritual of ontological change has been enacted. Although we are still awaiting news of when we might graduate, the process of academic theological learning at Oxford University is largely complete. For the record, I achieved a solid 2:1 – with my dissertation on modern Anglican eucharistic theology being one of my highest marks.

So, what now? There’s been quite a gap between posts, something which has become quite a habit but which has been an unfortunate side-effect of the demands of study at Oxford. There’s not been much time left after the weekly reading, writing, and lectures, and what remained was rightly reserved for family time. Following the end of the exams, I went straight into a very busy period on placement at St Barnabas’ Church. There’s another week to do in September, so perhaps posting on this is a little premature. Suffice to say, the summer, and then the post-BA year of training before ordination is supposed to be considerably less pressurised than what has gone before. It is also time in which the practice of “reflection” is encouraged. Perhaps this blog will enable this in some form.

I am, however, rather concerned to avoid too much of the “navel-gazing” into which many blogs (in my experience) descend. This means that there may be a bit less personal “news” in terms of content from here on, and more considered posts. These will probably focus on specific areas of interest, such as liturgy, sacramental theology, Christology, the 19th century, and so on. As my training takes a more practical focus in this final year of college, I shall be posting the odd sermon (for what they are worth). This change of focus for this part of my online presence (albeit with a few bits of significant news from time to time) reflects, I think, something of a development in my personality over the last couple of years. It’s also designed to be part of a shift towards preparing for ministry, as I foresee this blog perhaps taking a role in some way.

One final piece of (rather significant) news. I have heard that I have been “released” from the Diocese. In short this means that I am at the stage where I am free to seek a curacy in other Dioceses, something which we are all content with as a family. I shan’t bore you with the details here, suffice to say that this will entail a change of name for this blog in due course. It will be sad to leave Durham behind. We have been very happy there: but it is time for the next stage, whatever that may be.

Watch this space…

Today I received my personalised exam timetable from the University. For now, it’s heads down in readiness for the two weeks of Finals, which begin on 26th May. After that, I hope to re-activate the blog. Yes, I have said this before. No, this time it’s serious. Probably.

And so, it begins again…

So, another term begins. As usual it’s been far too long between posts, but I think I am going to have to stop apologising for this. I’m sure that you, the reader, would prefer quality over quantity!

Christmas has been and gone all too quickly – there was the usual coming and going of family and friends, both new and old. Now that college has returned to some semblance of normality, we have welcomed back some others who have been away for the holiday and begun our term’s studies together.

I say “some semblance of normality” because this week was not part of the full Oxford term, and the college community have been taking part in various Themed Study Weeks, or TSWs as we affectionately call them. As a BA student I don’t have many of these during the first two years I am here, so it’s been quite a change to my regular routine. There are quite a few different things we can do, ranging from a week experiencing other faiths, to a residential visit to a hospice. I focused on marriage and family life, the “matching” part of the “hatching, matching and dispatching” that are at the heart of parish ministry.

There’s been a lot to take in this week. After a morning looking at the wider picture with the theology of marriage, we had an afternoon looking at the actual service itself. There’s a bewildering array of choices for any couple to decide on, although many of the differences are quite subtle. There’s the obvious choice about using the word “obey” in the bride’s marriage vows, but these days it’s possible to leave out any reference to children from the preface (where the minister essentially explains the “point” of it all – so that’s a pretty significant departure from previous prefaces which have made the bringing up of children a central aspect of marriage), and many other choices besides. The work we began on the Monday was continued on Thursday, when we had a visit from a very knowledgeable parish priest (and author of an impressive-looking marriage preparation course) who took us through the whole idea of marriage (and wedding) preparation. In between, we spent two days working with two people from Relate, looking at the wider issues around relationships and issues couples might have.

All in all, it was a useful reminder that after these three years of training are up, we are going out into the world to be alongside people at these great moment in their life. It’s a really exciting prospect, and I think there was a great deal of enthusiasm in the group to be looking at one of the “bread and butter” aspects of ordained ministry, especially in how it relates to the theology that we’ve been studying. Just this morning, we were looking at how the Church’s understanding of marriage can be related to a social doctrine of the Trinity (since our relationships reflect the essential social nature of God in God’s relationships within the three persons of the Trinity).

There were plenty of questions unanswered at the end of the week, and I’m sure this won’t be the last time we discuss marriage. After this weekend though, it’s back to reality with a bit of a bump: I have a collection (mock exam) on the Old Testament on Monday morning, and a tutorial on Paul’s attitude to women timetabled for Wednesday afternoon.

Best get back to the books, then…

So far, so busy…

Term has definitely started. This week saw the addition of Oxford lectures to the programme, as well as a Thursday afternoon community-based placement for everyone. On Sunday those of us who haven’t already will be starting placements at a local church, too! On top of all that we are still required to produce a tutorial essay, attend two hours of Greek tuition and several hours of college classes each week. There is the round of services to attend, too. Lastly, but by no means least, there are the rotas for various duties in college.

This week, our group has been on worship duty, which means we have to provide an officiant for each service: Morning and Evening Prayer four days per week, a College Eucharist each Wednesday, the daily Eucharist (except on Wednesdays when we worship in our groups), and Compline each night except Saturday. I led Evening Prayer this evening for the first time, which meant I have finally used my cassock and surplice! I’ll be repeating it tomorrow evening, as well as officiating at Compline which is slightly scary as it will be the first time I have sung a service.

Oh, by the way, did I mention I have a family? I’m supposed to fit time with them as well.

So…with all this work to do, why am I sitting here blogging? Part of our college tuition is the area of pastoral theology, and we’re looking particularly at the moment at the area of human development. We’ve been asked to keep a journal, and I thought this blog would be a pretty good response to this challenge (if I’m wrong on that, feel free to let me know). The question we have been asked to consider is

“What stage of your life has been most critical for your overall personal development…what metaphor would you select to describe the effect of that period?”

I think the most critical period of time for me would be the transition from home to university. It wasn’t the easiest of times: I had to adapt very quickly from one form of family life, surrounded by parents and familiar friends, to a very different kind of family life – one in which I was not just an adult, but also a parent and a husband. This rather dramatic change took place many miles from what used to be called home, and the demands of my new family and my academic career pulled me in many different directions at once. The metaphor I would choose to describe this is a whirlwind, where everything is caught up, tossed about (and sometimes damaged in the process) and then dropped again. Sometimes things settle, sometimes they’re badly out of place.

But as always, the storm passes. And you carry on.

Reflecting further, I think it’s fair to say that the past few months have also been a bit of a whirlwind. Some things have been altered, often dramatically so. I do hope that this time, though, nothing has been damaged or broken. It certainly feels like these are the winds of change, not of destruction.

And with that, I must go. Compline’s in ten minutes…

Here we go…

Well, term has now started, after what has been a very long summer. We’ve had a great time settling into our new home and met lots of new people in the process. It was all change again on Thursday afternoon, as the rest of the college community arrived. It was great to meet people from such a wide variety of backgrounds and traditions, and to get to know them over tea (and cake). After the college Eucharist, we all piled into the dining room, families included, for a buffet supper together. Speaking of families, there is plenty for partners to do as well, and the children are loving their new-found freedom to explore the college grounds!

Friday started early with Morning Prayer at 7.30am which was followed by a dash back home to see the boys off on the school bus, and then a return to college for a quick coffee before a 9.30 start. A morning of more formal introductions led up to lunch time, and the afternoon session was devoted to an introduction to the common room. It’s really good to see how involved the student body is in the life of the college: there are officers and rotas for everything, and I’m sure that there will be something for all of us to offer the community here. With my enthusiasm for liturgy I’m hoping to have an opportunity to learn to be a cantor for the various sung elements of worship, and perhaps I’ll even be able to swing a thurible again at some point?

Whatever happens there is a great diversity here which is so important, as for me, this is one of the most important things about being an Anglican – the fact that in Oxford there are churches of every style within a short walk of each other, all (well, largely) happy to be members of the Church of England, is one of the great glories of the Church. It’s something I think we need to work hard to protect, and that’s why I’m so glad I chose Cuddesdon: it’s clearly a place which recognises and respects this great diversity. I’m sure my future ministry, whatever form it takes, will have been enriched by the experience of so many different people.

So, the morning brings a welcome service at the parish church, followed by drinks in the common room and a buffet lunch together. We’re hoping to find some time to be just a family in the afternoon, before the week gets going again with morning prayer at 7.30 on Monday. Having a full week should help to establish a little more of a routine, as more of a pattern ought to develop.

It’s all a little overwhelming at the moment, but I think we’re all of us finding our feet. Hopefully future posts on the blog will be a little more coherent – perhaps the rather confused nature of this post reflects the reality of the life-changing things that are taking place right now.